Thursday, December 15, 2011

Let's Talk About Sex Baby!

I've been married for quite a long time...12 years in fact. And I think one of the perks of marriage is sex. Come on, have sex, too! 12 (ok...maybe a couple more years than that...shhh!) years of sex with the same person is actually a weird surprises, no worries about him calling in the morning, and hey, I know what my man likes! With your spouse there aren't many unfortunate bedroom debacles, you're allowed and encouraged to try new things, and judgement is kept to the minimum.

With all of that said (and now that I've made you all SUPER uncomfortable), I want to address the issue of sex...during pregnancy. I don't think its an area, issue, or act of torture that should be breached. Basically the possibility should be completely off the table! If there is any dude reading this: trust me, she doesn't really want to, no it wasn't good for her, and yes, she really just wants a back rub! There is already a 3-ring circus going on up in my uterus...we don't need to "send in the clowns" too. If the baby moves the wrong way, there is a high possibility that I'm going to pee my pants...or you! And the idea of what my vagina actually has to do at the end of this pregnancy is reason enough to leave her the heck alone!

I find it ludicrous that sex is actually encouraged during pregnancy and doctor recommended once you reach the ever-so-pleasant status of "OVER DUE"! Ew...I'm big, awkward, sleep deprived and frankly, when pregnant, full of gas! Do you really, REALLY, want to "tap that a**?"! Yes, the boobs may look fantastic, but they aren't for you! These babies have a very important, and not so glamorous, job to look forward to. They just want to be left alone! Not to mention that I both feel and look like an overstuffed turkey. You can keep your "garnish" to yourself, please.

So even though I think sex during marriage is one of the most important things you can do together as a couple, I am 100% against "marital bonding" while in the midst of pregnancy. Good thing for my hubby, he is off saving the world! Honestly, he probably has more "opportunity" over there...but I highly discourage that kind of extracurricular activity. So...unfortunately for him whether at home or at war, if I'm pregnant there is a "no touching" rule in effect!


Diana @Hormonal Imbalances said...

LOL. I hated sex during pregnancy, from like 2 months on. Poor Sam. I just felt so creeped out by it all, and sure that my poor child was being bounced around.

KLZ said...

I agree - it wasn't good for her. So if you're going to make me endure it, don't be dumb enough to ask that question.

That said, my husband has also been gone too long for it to have been an option for most of this pregnancy. And he isn't even saving the world, the lazy schmo!

Jennifer Gilbart said...

I'm with ya sister! Problem is, once the baby arrives, many moms aren't lookin for love at that point either. I was so overwhelmed and overtired when my first son was a newborn, I definitely wasn't in the mood then.

Dumb Mom said...

Send in the clowns! LOL! Clowns are scary anyway.