About Me

My Photo
I am a SAHM of 6 little dudes. My hubby's jobs require him to be away from home way more than I would like leaving me to fly solo more often than not. Since Dr. Phil won't return my calls, and Oprah has unfriended me, my therapy has now gone public! Here is where I go to receive cheap advice, reassurance and hopefully share some laughs. Honeslty, I'd love to make you laugh until you pee! So come, grab a cup of coffee (or vodka) and join in the conversation!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Call Me Crazy....

It's been awhile since I've compiled a list of reasons why I'm crazy...er, I mean reasons I love my family of dudes! But let's face it, one pregnant mommy + daddy off saving the world + 4 busy boys = little if any alone time with my own thoughts. But all that crazy doesn't mean that the looney bin has vacated the premises. We are still just as silly, rambunctious, and, well...juvenile, as we always were.

* our 4 yo (he is now 5!) is quite the kisser (aka- slobbery kisser). He gave me a goodnight kiss and then wiped his lips saying, "I'm sorry. I have slippery lips"

* while at Grandma's farm for a quick weekend visit in August, all the boys were running around the house both upstairs and down as they played some wild, fighting, good-guy/bad-guy game. My 4yo (now the 5yo) came running up to me really excited with an arm full of Nerf balls, "Mom!! I have firefighter balls!" And he was off to chase the rest of the boys with his apparent "firefighter balls". I wonder if those are anything like "Soldier balls"....because I know a little something about those!

* Cooking and pregnancy doesn't always mix for me. So I was preparing a nice, healthy meal of....corn dogs! My 2 1/2 year old ran to tell his brothers what we were having (because they sing about them on "Phineas and Ferb"). I heard him yell, "I want a horn dog!!"  to which the 8 yo and 12 yo burst into laughter.

* the 3yo and 5 yo were playing in the living room after their big brothers rushed out the door for the bus. I was in making beds when I heard the 5 yo yell, "Help somebody! I'm getting married!!" His little brother was burying him with all the pillows. Married...buried....potato...potahto!

* "my nuts, my nuts, myyyy nuts" as sang by my 3yo while carrying around a container of Planter's mixed nuts!

* Right after daddy left for his year of saving the world, the boys were enjoying some skype-time with him. The 4yo asked daddy quite innocently and full of awe if he was fighting the bad guys with his swords. To see your daddy as a hero...priceless!


And now to state my case as to why my self esteem is in the pooper!!

* the 5 yo came up to hug me (remember baby is due Christmas day....and I have BIG babies!). He looked at me with those big blue eyes that I love with a sweet smile and said, "You're like a really huge girl with a huge tummy". It's hard to smack someone so cute!

* Out of the mouth of my baby (the 3yo), "You have a big, big one"...and then he left. I'm not sure if I was complimented....or insulted!

* we were shopping in Target this past weekend before scurrying off to the soccer fields when the 5yo announced, "I have to pee". I hurried him through the store where we went into the family restroom together...figuring I would go to in order to avoid the port-a-potty at the soccer game. As I sat down to go potty all the while my 5yo is intently observing when out-of-the-blue he states very matter-of-factly, "Mommy you sure have a big butt." He wasn't being mean...just stating an obvious fact!

Friday, September 23, 2011

He Did What In His Cup?!

Being pregnant allows for many learning experiences. Since I'm on pregnancy number 5, I figured I was way ahead of the learning curve on matters of the new and unexpected that come with this "joyous" time. I, however, stand corrected. Pregnancy #5 seems to have brought with it the new, unusual, and unexpected.

Pregnancy cravings are just as real, demanding and nonsensical with number five as they were with number 1. Chinese? Sure! Cheese steaks? Absolutely! Lettuce? Why not! They are crazy, unpredictable, and unrelenting. And without my go-to, middle-of-the-night driver...my cravings have had to suffer through inevitable withdrawals.

Cravings aside, I have been stunned by my apparent (and new found) inability to "hold it"! Bladder control has seemed to vanish with the onset of my heffalump status, and it has brought new meaning to potty breaks in our house. It is an unlucky child who tries to beat mama to the toilet after an outing. And the potty dance when displayed by preggo lady versus training toddler is much less adorable.

So with my incontinence in full swing, cravings running amuck, and body parts swelling at astronomical rates it's no wonder my emotions and hormones seem to have declared war against me. Normally, I'm a stone; not one to show emotion, not one to buckle under pressure or stress, and definitely nary a tear escapes my control.....until now. Malfunctioning wash machine sends me crumpling to the floor in tears. Favorite maternity shirt now too small to cover my ever-growing tummy will bring tears and subsequent ice cream indulgences. And unexpected events added to my calendar leave my blubbery and incoherent.

But with all of that, my biggest adventure with pregnancy number five has nothing to do with body changes, hormones, or AWOL hubby. Nope!

To what am I referring? I have had the pleasure of being accompanied to my prenatal appointments with the terrible two-some that I lovingly call my offspring.  My two youngest have just recently had birthdays and now boast the ripe old ages of 5 and 3. And let me tell you, those boys don't miss a beat. And since the nurse at my Dr's office has never cracked a smile, I've decided to keep my gruesome two-some by my side at all times while in her presence. Which means they are also in tow when I attempt to gracefully and accurately, albeit discreetly because my boys are watching intently, pee in that darn cup!

I can't honestly see where I'm aiming at this point so I'm very much driving blind! And to the horror of my youngest two darlings, I ruin the cup from which they had moments earlier tried to get a drink of water (of course, mommy STOPPED that experiment in its innocent tracks!). So not only do I need to be accurate and discreet, I am also required to explain myself and answer their, very loud, questions regarding my actions.

My only response from my curious crew, "Don't drink that mommy!", oh and every person we saw that day got to hear how their mommy pee-ed in their glass!
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...