Thursday, April 12, 2012

The Brother-Hubby Plan

As I sat awake with my babe last night, wishing I was laying flat in my bed sound asleep, I pondered how on earth I was going to successfully tackle this next month on my own. Several evenings require me to be in 2 or 3 (or more!) places at once. Now, I know I'm amazing and all, but how am I going to master teleportation?! It's a conundrum is what it to which I need to find a solution.

A light bulb went off last night sometime between the hours of 2am and 6am. It could quite possibly be delirium induced by severe sleep deprivation but my current state of mind thinks it's brilliant! I'm not sure why I hadn't thought of it before...guess I've been a little busy to indulge myself with spontaneous ingenious plans. It seems obvious now in the light of day what needs to happen. I'm just sorry I didn't think of this 11 months ago!

I need to get myself some sister-wives...actually I need the male brother-hubbies! Isn't that a great idea!? I know all of my military wives that face these same predicaments (being in 2 or more places at once, endless lists of things to do, constant household issues, and exhaustion and stress worthy of a trip to the psych ward) are nodding in agreement right now. How silly that none of us thought of this before! It's perfect! This should just be another step in the process of preparing for deployment: "Equipping spouse's home with ample brother-hubbies"!! Check!

Now...I'm going to have to move quickly on this process since my tour of duty is almost over. I don't want this great idea to go to waste...waste not, want not! With that said, on to requirements. I may be tired, stressed, sleep deprived, and overwhelmed...but I still have standards! I'm going to need 2 or 3 qualified, talented (and hot) applicants. Preferably, I would like at least one to be quite skilled in the handyman area (no...that isn't code for anything...sickos!) I am also going to need one that is great with kids and doesn't mind being awake with the babe all night long. And while I'm making a list, I would really like one to be quite skilled in the kitchen (again...not code for anything...get your heads out of the gutter!) Don't get me wrong, a year without a tune-up, and I am more than eager to reintroduce myself to my one and only, true hubby...but I prefer (as does he) that the brother-hubbies aren't granted that high a level of security clearance. My tune-ups are left to my partner in crime!

I can see no real issues or hiccups in my plan. It's flawless! Flawless, I tell you!! Brother-hubbies are a perfect way to end this deployment. All qualified applicants can send me their resume and references along with a current picture. What's love gotta do with it?! We're talking about survival!

Match. Set. Point. Winner- Crystal. This deployment didn't know what hit it!

*Obviously this is more humorous than serious (although, part of me thinks it's a great idea). Please DO NOT send me your information. Take a joke crazies!! Although, David Beckham, if you are reading this, you don't even need to apply...just come on over!

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