My family is never lacking for entertainment. Every adventure...either near or far...boasts of hilarities a la the dude crew! For the last two weekends, my all-male posse and I have traveled across the state to partake in a little (actually, it was a lot of) baseball. And by "baseball" I, of course, mean "staying in a hotel and relishing in the joys of their super fun pool! Since only the middle three dudes traveled with me my trip was almost a laissez faire vacay of sorts....with some baseball thrown in the middle. Fun was had by all...even those around that were privileged enough to witness our debacles, shenanigans and otherwise normalcies!
Of course any adventure is not complete without a hiccup or two. Round 1 was marked by Mama Catcher forgetting Son Catcher's all-important-and-always-necessary nutcup! And I have since learned that not all nutcups are created equal. What I thought would be my crowning, mama to the rescue moment turned out to "rub" someone the wrong way. The moral of this debacle would be "if it ain't broke, don't fix it"! From this day forward, I will always stay with the brand of nutcup my son is used to, likes, and requests! Rubbed-raw-itis in the heat and humidity after game 1 of 5 does not produce a happy camper...or in this case, a happy ball player.
Even our debacles have debacles, however. I enlisted some ball player dads with the all important task of purchasing some lube for my dude. I assumed that men would know more about my son's "junk" than me...a woman, and they were very eager to help my son with his issue. Apparently, however, something must have been lost in translation between momese and dadese because delivered to my hotel room door was a tube of............wait for it............cortizone 10. I requested Vaseline to lube my dude but anti fungal cream was the chosen remedy. Not wanting to question a man's knowledge of all things penis, I instructed my dude to apply the ill-fated cream to his delicate (and incredibly raw!) nether region. The horror that followed need not be mentioned in detail. I'm sure one's imagination will do the scenario justice. Needless to say, an emergency intervention was in order. What's a mama to do when her normal arsenal of first aid is not at hand? She improvises! Lip balm...Blistex to be exact...seemed to fit the bill. I swiped my lips one last time and handed my boy the tube with a "rub this all over your area" suggestion and a "DON'T PUT THIS BACK IN MY PURSE!" warning. I think it goes without mention that I will be changing lip balm brands...what once went down under should never again grace the presenceof my lips!
All's well that ends well, I suppose, and the burntastrophe was avoided....ok, not avoided per say but soothed! I have now been deemed, by myself and son, a penis expert! I am, after all, in charge of 7 penises...most men are only concerned with 1, and I'm not sure what I was thinking letting another person purchase anything for my son's weenie! So "Queen of the Penis" I shall remain. And it's a good thing, too, because the middle two tag-alongs continuously lost their "worms" (or as the 4 year old says, "my wom") in the hotel pool...all the live-long night during our second baseball adventure! Through teary eyes, I was hounded, harassed, pleaded with for help, S.O.S.ed to death and interrupted constantly during my attempts to enjoy adult conversation to organize a search and rescue for the missing woms (I feel that I should mention that these worms and other dime-store crap were won at the arcade for the measly price of $20!)....much to the amusement of every other adult in our group. I was reminded that men are just big boys and every one has a "wom" joke to share! Here a penis, there a penis, everywhere a "wom" "wom"! Needless to say, night two at the pool was as wom-free as I could make it.
For better or for worse these are the scenarios one will encounter when traveling with my crew. Once the burn subsided my ball player cracked a tiny grin about the "situation", and since being home neither of my middles seem at all concerned with their costly "woms"! All in all our trips were a success...and after trip one, no penises were harmed in the creation of this baseball memory!