Thursday, October 31, 2013

Ooh Yeah!

I've recently been made aware of an adult activity that was previously unbeknownst to myself. It is the kind of activity I've possibly read about in a dirty book (or Cosmo), maybe seen the notion played out in a make-believe TV show or possibly even heard rumors...musings, if you will, about the idea. But never did I actually think it existed! My appaull over the idea that real people participted in such activity was quickly displaced with the confusing feelings...of being left out and upset that no one has ever considered requesting my presence. Frankly, I may have left-out-itis or a really strange case of jealousy.

The practice of being a "swinger" is apparently not just for TV...or bigger cities, and is seemingly more common than I ever would have imagined! It apparently exists and thrives right here in middle America. I was enlightened by a good friend (No. She wasn't inviting me. Dammit!), how the parties go down and even the interesting details of what goes on when these couples go on trips! And all I could think about was why the hell haven't I been asked to partake in this event?! I'm not saying that I would do it. Quite the contrary, I'm more than Lt Hubby can handle, and I don't want him testing anyone else's waters on the off chance that he really liked the grass on the other side of the fence! As for myself, I truly have zero desire for any man other than my own to partake in the oohs, ahhs and unknown adventures of this carnival ride. But I still want to be asked! Why hasn't this self-proclaimed Queen of Mom-dom been asked to join the fun?! 

This dilemma totally has me doubting myself! Not only has my sexual allure been denied and rejected, but now I fear others are doubting my sense of adventure, fun and ability to tap into my wild side. I'd like to think that I'm a big ol' barrel of laughs wrapped in a nicely decorated package that holds the promise of a really good time! Sure the 6 little ducklings following me around may send off some red flags suggesting that this party not only has too many poopers but may also require a little more calendar juggling and organizing for me to grace them with my presence than appreciated. And the idea of Lt Hubby being a two-time War Veteran may have the possibility of deterring some potential inquiries. Nobody wants to mess with my G.I. Joe! But still!! Is this couple seriously not young, hip, and attractive enough for even a half-hearted invite?! I dare say...I'm offended! 

Nobody wants to be left on the outside looking in, and I admit I'm more than a little curious. My feeling of being completely left out may have my judgement momentarily fuzzy. If I was asked nicely, I may say yes out of excitement to be included and my overwhelming curiosity as to how it all goes down. I mean...aren't YOU just the teensiest, tiniest bit curious as to how a night full of "swinging" proceeds?! People aren't sexually attracted to any random Joe-blow (he he...I crack myself up) they get assigned to. What if you get a complete and total duh-da?! It would be a huge wah wah waaaah kind of let down. OR! What if the sex sucks?! That may be my biggest concern. Dude! I have a very busy schedule that barely allows for enough time and energy to rock my own hubby's world. If I have enough gumption at the end of a crazy week to have a well-deserved night "on the town", and I'm left without even a single ooh or ahh, I'm gonna be pissed! With Lt Hubby, I have the luxury of knowing that he has my exact combination that unlocks those oohs and ahhs memorized. That dude knows what his woman wants...and there is something very comforting in that.

I believe I speak for Lt Hubby and myslef when I state that this marriage is closed...no visitors allowed!  But that doesn't stop me from thinking that the idea sounds...kind of fun and exciting! Maybe I need to employ some of my very best girlfriends to help plan a couple's party or getaway that rivals any risqué swinger-esque rompapalooza! I believe I have some friends that I could get drunk enough to learn a pole-dance or strip-tease with me. And the hubbies can do...well, whatever it is that hubbies do to bond while the ladies get their "hot and heavy" ready for their one and only man!

Sounds like it could be a win-win for all involved...just as long as everybody leaves with the same person with whom they came. It's a lot less complicated that way!


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