Wednesday, June 20, 2012

It's All Coming Back To Me Now

Elvis has left the building! Well, maybe not Elvis so much as my regrown virginity. Nonetheless, hubby came home, stole my innocence and fled back to his broken soldier barracks! He came...he saw...he conquered...and a round of applause is required! The sighs of relief from my friends were audible, and I'm sure Lt Hubby is walking a little taller around Post. I'd like to think that spring in his step is attributed to his amazing wife and my "talents"! Unfortunately that "spring" is more along the lines of a limp, and instead of being injured in the throws of passion, he sustained his injury in the line of duty...but we're splitting hairs. This mama got hers and that's the moral of the story!

To be honest, I was a little worried about how this would all go down. I mean, 13 months is a really, REALLY long time. You know what they say about "use it or lose it"....well, I was worried that maybe we lost it! Before Lt Hubby arrived I was going to arm myself with tutorials, graphs, and videos (and costumes, alcohol, and "toys!)...but it turns out that our city is a little too small for me to me waltzing into an adult store without blushing and giggling like Beevis. I'm not nearly mature enough for anyone I know to see me carrying those purchases to my minivan! Plus, my kids are always with me...and I don't want to be THAT mom! They would certainly be scarred for life after helping mama buy the latest musings in the Kama Sutra!

So I was left to my own devices, and thankfully, it is much like riding a bike...only no training wheels were required, nobody fell off and skinned their knee, and helmets were completely optional! It all came back to me, and I think a good time was had by all! Of course, my lady bits have standards and she did require the lieutenant to tip his hat and remove his combat boots...but the pleasantries stopped there, and the introductions were simply a formality.

The only downside was that Lt Hubby was only here for the weekend and then had to vacate the premises yet again. So wham, bam, thank you ma'am was all I got, and then he left once again to fulfill his American duty. To be honest, I'm not sure what he misses or "me"?! Probably "me" but who's kidding who, GI Jane needed her boots polished, and I know just the soldier she likes to salute!


Thursday, June 7, 2012


It's no secret; when one spouse is gone for any length of time, the other spouse is left with more than their fare share plopped onto their plate. Responsibilities, chores, and "to-do's" all increase, but when you add kids to the mix, sometimes the weight of it all can be overwhelming at best. When said absentee spouse is in the military and gone for extended "vacations", the weight of the world can sometimes border cruel and unusual punishment! Our very own superhero has been "detained" for who knows how much longer to address further medical issues (frankly, I think he's being held against MY will!), and our current count without Lt Hubby is 391 days...but who's keeping track, right?!

With all of that said, I think my family of "supers" has faced (and conquered) this never-ending challenge pretty successfully. We've had ups and downs, broken bones and ER trips, laughter and tears, the house has tried to fall apart on more than one occasion (as we speak the kitchen sink is leaking), and we've even added a new "super" to the mix. I think it's safe to say that Superman ain't got nothin' on us! No problem has proven to be too big or small for us to handle (dear universe, please don't take this as a challenge.)

There is only one main issue still needing resolution. Kryptonite so strong it threatens to blow this mission out of the water. I believe I've mentioned it briefly before: the issue of my government mandated abstinence! It's an inhumane experiment that looks to be ending this weekend. You read that correctly...Lt Hubby is escaping from his broken soldier barracks, renting a car and coming home for a quickie -er- a less-than-48-hour hangout with his kids, of course! But let's be serious, we don't know when he gets to come home permanently so we need to make this weekend count...2 or 3 times! It's been 391 days (did I mention that already?!) since hubby left for his 365 day deployment...this is much less a case of potato/pahtato and much more a case of potato/Ineedtogetlaido! You've heard of going postal, right? Well, I'm about to go...postal (or something along those lines!) My friends are starting to shield their husbands from me for fear I will make them my chosen sacrifice. People are starting to worry...and avoid it's only fair that hubby go AWOL for a weekend and take care of "things" at home!

Now the only question is what to wear? Superwomen, French Maid, Trophy wife...Ha! I'm pretty sure it isn't going to matter since the only foreplay needed will be "goodnight kids" and our "ahhh" will be on before you can say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious three times!! But, just the same, it HAS been almost 13 months, and I think Lt Hubby wouldn't mind some spice. Plus, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious times three doesn't sound so bad. Don't judge...I'm making up for borrowed (or stolen!) time. I'm just going to make sure everyone is properly protected! This soldier is definitely going on a mission...battle-rattle better be worn! We don't need a repeat math problem!!

Krpytonite be gone! Mama's about to get her "groove" back!