Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Got Milk?

We need to address this issue of the out-of-control boobage that happens when I am pregnant and then the subsequent "blossoming" that occurs when I am nursing. I'm not sure what happens...but my barely-able-to-fill-out-an-A-cup boobs are now barely-able-to-be-contained in my "big girl" C-cup (and a Z-cup when I'm nursing!)...and they aren't even working at their full potential yet!

I've been nursing babies or baking them in my mom-oven on and off for the past 13 years (more off than on...but still!) And I still haven't quite figured out what in the world is going on with the boobage that seems to take on a life of its own! And they aren't even for fun... they are all business, honey. In fact, in the first couple weeks of new baby's existence, my boobs seem to expand to sizes of which can only be described as scary...very often being bigger than the babies head!! That's scary people! How would you like that coming at you in the middle of the night?! I'd probably put up a fit too.

What seems to boggle me the most is how un-fun they are! You heard me...NO FUN! Aren't bountiful breasts the most coveted body feature?! (To be truthful, I wouldn't mind getting mine fixed once they've served their time.) Workin' boobs don't resemble a 20-something's bouncy, perky pleasures AT ALL! They are just big, voluptuous, bouncy...and completely in the way. Do you know how hard it is to squeeze those suckers into an athletic bra? Not an easy task. And the hassle of trying to find a sexy big-girl bra is one to which I have since thrown in the towel. And let me tell you, those bad boys need to be harnessed at all times...or somebody might just get hurt!

Now, don't get me wrong, I have always loved nursing my babes...but the boob phenomenon has me dumbfounded. I finally have the voluptuous curves I've long coveted....but it's on a swollen pregnant body or worse, a floppy, jiggly post-baby body. Neither of which are what I have been envisioning! And again, they are for functioning purposes only. Just imagine gettin' it on with the hubster and -oops- sorry about that milk in your eye! NOT VERY SEXY!

It deems repeating...These are workin' girls!!


Emily said...

okay I laughed so hard reading this because I have the same issue. They just get in the way! Sometimes I think being a mom really doesn't help the boobs out at all.

Heather said...

The second time I got pregnant I was so happy to have full boobs again...I kept offering to show them to people until the belly surpassed them!!

THe last time I got pregnant I thought I was keeping it a secret until an older lady at work asked me if I were pregnant, or had I gotten a boob job over christmas break.

Amy said...

I don't even want to imagine what mine will look like while breast feeding TWINS!

Melissa E. said...

I actually read your post while nursing (because I'm a multi-tasker) and it made me laugh so hard tea came out of my nose.

Stephanie said...

I am still LOL about this one--and only because I learned about my working girls the hard way: by getting pregnant. I'd always been the girl with skeeter-bites-for-boobs. When I got pregnant the first time, I was stoked about all the boobage...until around month 6 when they started hurting like the devil. Then baby was born and they went into Turbo-gear--making enough milk for an elephant.