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I am a SAHM of 6 little dudes. My hubby's jobs require him to be away from home way more than I would like leaving me to fly solo more often than not. Since Dr. Phil won't return my calls, and Oprah has unfriended me, my therapy has now gone public! Here is where I go to receive cheap advice, reassurance and hopefully share some laughs. Honeslty, I'd love to make you laugh until you pee! So come, grab a cup of coffee (or vodka) and join in the conversation!

Friday, September 23, 2011

He Did What In His Cup?!

Being pregnant allows for many learning experiences. Since I'm on pregnancy number 5, I figured I was way ahead of the learning curve on matters of the new and unexpected that come with this "joyous" time. I, however, stand corrected. Pregnancy #5 seems to have brought with it the new, unusual, and unexpected.

Pregnancy cravings are just as real, demanding and nonsensical with number five as they were with number 1. Chinese? Sure! Cheese steaks? Absolutely! Lettuce? Why not! They are crazy, unpredictable, and unrelenting. And without my go-to, middle-of-the-night driver...my cravings have had to suffer through inevitable withdrawals.

Cravings aside, I have been stunned by my apparent (and new found) inability to "hold it"! Bladder control has seemed to vanish with the onset of my heffalump status, and it has brought new meaning to potty breaks in our house. It is an unlucky child who tries to beat mama to the toilet after an outing. And the potty dance when displayed by preggo lady versus training toddler is much less adorable.

So with my incontinence in full swing, cravings running amuck, and body parts swelling at astronomical rates it's no wonder my emotions and hormones seem to have declared war against me. Normally, I'm a stone; not one to show emotion, not one to buckle under pressure or stress, and definitely nary a tear escapes my control.....until now. Malfunctioning wash machine sends me crumpling to the floor in tears. Favorite maternity shirt now too small to cover my ever-growing tummy will bring tears and subsequent ice cream indulgences. And unexpected events added to my calendar leave my blubbery and incoherent.

But with all of that, my biggest adventure with pregnancy number five has nothing to do with body changes, hormones, or AWOL hubby. Nope!

To what am I referring? I have had the pleasure of being accompanied to my prenatal appointments with the terrible two-some that I lovingly call my offspring.  My two youngest have just recently had birthdays and now boast the ripe old ages of 5 and 3. And let me tell you, those boys don't miss a beat. And since the nurse at my Dr's office has never cracked a smile, I've decided to keep my gruesome two-some by my side at all times while in her presence. Which means they are also in tow when I attempt to gracefully and accurately, albeit discreetly because my boys are watching intently, pee in that darn cup!

I can't honestly see where I'm aiming at this point so I'm very much driving blind! And to the horror of my youngest two darlings, I ruin the cup from which they had moments earlier tried to get a drink of water (of course, mommy STOPPED that experiment in its innocent tracks!). So not only do I need to be accurate and discreet, I am also required to explain myself and answer their, very loud, questions regarding my actions.

My only response from my curious crew, "Don't drink that mommy!", oh and every person we saw that day got to hear how their mommy pee-ed in their glass!

3 comments:

Johi said...

There are certain things that you just don't want to explain to small ones! "No honey, this cup is for peeing into, not drinking from...." is not a statement that you want to field questions about. lol!

Stephanie said...

Oh, no!

Foursons said...

I can't imagine the OBGYN appointments are very fun with little ones in tow. Good luck with those late 3rd trimester ones when they have to "check" you.

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