Thursday, July 11, 2013

Dressed For Success

Every now and then I like to separate myself from the all-male herd with which I roam and adorn myself in such a way that identifies me as distinctly, without a doubt, female. I have an array of dresses, skirts, frilly tops, accessories, and cute shoes to match. They all hang beautifully in my closet...rarely touched...waiting for the day that I grace them with my presence. I've even fallen victim to the catalog-page illusion of that care-free woman strolling along a promenade in her crisp white, flowy sundress without care of dirty, sticky fingers. I have the dress...and it looks as if it would be beautiful to wear on a getaway weekend alone with Lt Hubby.

Anycrazydaydream, contrary to what anyone may have seen lurking around the ball fields, I enjoy putting on attire that may be classified as "cute" or "girly" and attempting to present myself as something other than frazzled, over worked and under showered. Unfortunately, it is a rare occurrence that some have likened to Big Foot sightings. It is not for a lack of desire but more appropriately, a lack of opportunity...or practicality.

On the occasional "Date Night" (read: few...far between...basically non existent) with my man, my favorite part is rummaging through my closet to find some of my cutest apparel that never gets to see the light of day. But, alas, that rarely happens. Chalk it up to six kids, crazy sports' schedules, Lt. Hubby's multiple work commitments, or complete and utter exhaustion! Whatever the culprit, my "going out" (with Lt Hubby or girlfriends) has been reduced to the status of Urban legend which leads me to attempt to wear my "good" clothes for my day-to-day adventures if I ever want to see what they look like off the hanger.

Herein lies the problem. Most of my "good" clothes are not kid friendly. Days involve chasing, grabbing, bending, holding, lifting, cooking, serving, cleaning, wrestling, wrangling, dodging...and this is just for the 1 year old! There are 5 others! They all demand food multiple times a day which always results in the need to either renovate my kitchen or just burn it down and start over. Any and every outing requires buckling and unbuckling and climbing into the back of the van to buckle another one who just "can't do it!" And with those outings comes the multitude of crap and necessities and accessories that need to accompany us in order to make the outing less painful and more of a success.

Mind you, I attempt to keep outings and expeditions to a minimum, but with the oldest two very much active and involved in sports that's an impossibility. Baseball games are nightly. We arrive with stroller, blankets and hoodies (just in case), bags of toys, sunscreen, sipper cups, water bottles, snacks (which they will refuse because the "session" stand calls out to them even though I specifically told them NOT to ask for the concession stand), bug spray, umbrellas (just in case), parental expectations (that will be defied and shattered at the amusement of others in the stands), sunflower seeds for the minion to chew (and spit usually splattering unsuspecting mommy), camera (which never gets used but needs to come along on the off-chance that I will be left alone long enough to snap a photo or two of the actual ball players that I am here to support), diapers, wipes, another package of wipes, and the slightest slimmest hope that I will get to have an adult conversation with someone that will give me the teeniest and tiniest glimmer of hope that "this too shall pass" and allow me the fortitude to do it all again tomorrow.

If I could accomplish all of this AND also arrive looking cute, I would be marked as a martyr for all mom-kind. Tshirts are not just a luxury for this job...they are a necessity. In all honesty, moms should have smocks, hairnets, and protective eye wear for our own safety. Heck, when we leave the hospital with our newborns, our "complimentary" (you know you're paying for that crap, right?!) diaper bag of goodies should include a hazmat suit for future use. "What Not to Wear?" CUTE CLOTHES!! I love me some Stacey and Clinton in theory but in on-the-job practicality they may have missed the mark (no offense Clinton...I actually have a huge, indescribable crush on you. I think it's my desire to have you dress me up and down like your own personal Barbie.) Wash and wear needs to be the goal when dressing for the day...we are talking about survival! And survival of the fittest will include washable garments, comfortable shoes to provide support and stability, pony-tail and some really effective deodorant.

Good luck and God speed mamas!

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