So I embarked on my morning with a fake smile and mustered excitement as my boys scurried around the house excitedly preparing for the "First Day of School". Morning chores...check. Special first-day-of-school breakfast....check. Backpacks and home lunches....check. And out the door they rushed for mama to drop them off for the first day.
The 7th grader has rejected first-day-of-school hugs and kisses since kindergarten, but my second born has been a mama's boy since day 1. I always get to hold his sweaty little hand as we stand outside the classroom door and wait for the bell to summon my departure. Then both of us give long bear hugs and fight to blink back tears. I kiss him as his teacher gives me a reassuring smile (as she does to all the other crazy mamas too), and I wave and blow kisses as I reluctantly leave my baby in the care of someone else.
I was prepared for that same scenario today as I carted my dudes off to their respective schools. First drop off...middle school. No kisses or hugs or shows of affection at this establishment. No...such behavior will likely get your child beat up in the parking lot. I've learned those hugs are required in the confines of my home...where no one 10 and up can be witness.
After my budding teen bails out of the barely stopped vehicle, we travel toward the elementary school...prepping myself to successfully let go of the little dude beside me. However...and much to my dismay...my son unexpectedly rejected my presence on the playground. He didn't even let me exit the van stating, "I don't need you too, mom." A prompt kiss and hug were planted on this stunned (and slightly heartbroken) mama as he shimmied out the door quicker than I could unbuckle my seat belt.
I'm not quite sure when or where it happened, but my second born son seems to have grown up. As much as that should make a mama proud...I'm not. Yes, my goal is to raise Godly men to send out into the world...but there is a large part of me that wants to hold onto them forever.
This mothering thing is tough...where's the handbook? Where's the warnings that, indeed, someday they will no longer be ours? Someday my job will be done...but today I'm going to cuddle the two that are still at home....and cry while they are down for nap!
5 comments:
Oh parenting. So many polar opposite forces at work. No wonder we are all exhausted. You are clearly a wonderful mother to be raising such confident, independent, and well adjusted boys.
Why can't we hug them? Oh, boys! I love mine so much and am overjoyed and very sad to see how quickly he is becoming a man. Hugs to you, Mama!
*sob* It's so hard. And I'm one of those moms that likes having them home too. The first day of school stinks so bad.
They will always need you and...your Mom-job is lifelong; it doesn't end when they finally step out into our big world.
My son and his new wife were here for a BBQ this week-end. As we sat down for dessert, he went up into one of the kitchen cabinets and hauled down a coffee mug he made for me in 3rd grade..for Mother's Day. I had forgotten about it, hidden on the top shelf, behind some other mugs, but he remembered, poured coffee into it and brought it to me at the table. And, I got a hug. He's 32.
It made up for the hugs and kisses I couldn't give him as he ran for the bus on his first days of school or having to walk a safe distance behind him in the mall when he was an almost-teen.
They will always need Mom!
Left an award for you on my blog, just to cheer you up!
Hugs!
Ahh this makes me so sad! I only have two and they are growing way too fast. Now I can see how people get crazy for grandkids and start pressuring their 18 year olds to get pregnant. ha
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