I've written a lot about my children in previous posts. They are a huge part of who I am and what makes me, me. But sometimes as mamas, I think we forget that we are also individuals....with personal hopes, dreams, fears, insecurities. I fear many times we lose part of ourselves for this greater calling of.....Mom-dom.
I have always- and do still today- put parameters on myself according to what others think, feel, want. I don't always stand up for myself; I am hesitant to share my true opinion for fear of upsetting someone; I avoid conflict to the point of sometimes causing myself (and my family) undue amounts of stress; and there are very few people that really know me because I am reluctant to share myself with others. But when I am walking closely with the Lord, I am much more at east with whom He has created me to be and the process through which He is molding me.
I want to take you back a ways....before I was a mama. I think I suffered delusions of grandeur ( I knew I was going to be a neurosurgeon and great writer/researcher), but I was trapped by the uncertainty and un-realization......of self....and God. Travel back in time with me to my mind's-eye at 18...............................
Who am I? Better yet, who are we? Names are not necessary for they do not constitute who we really are. A name is a name is a name...not a meaning. Hence, I will let you determine who "I" really is.
People live their lives from day-to-day failing to establish the essence of persona with the actual person. yet, we all manage to live our lives without a definitive aura. We become what others perceive us to be not from what we display or our "inner selves". Do we even really have an inner self? Are we stifling who we are through societal expectations?
Look at a city bustling with people trying to define themselves in a world of competition. What makes each of those individuals distinct? Will we ever know? Probably not. Everyone strives to meet the great expectations of the world, and somewhere..."we" were lost. Lost in our every day rituals.
How long has it been since you have thought about who you are...or are you still trying to determine who "I" am? Apply that question to yourself. "I" am a person, a nameless face searching for my path in life. A path that will hopefully please the norms of society. A society thriving on monotony. A society fearing change. A change that would reveal society for "who" it is.
(to be continued)