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I am a SAHM of 6 little dudes. My hubby's jobs require him to be away from home way more than I would like leaving me to fly solo more often than not. Since Dr. Phil won't return my calls, and Oprah has unfriended me, my therapy has now gone public! Here is where I go to receive cheap advice, reassurance and hopefully share some laughs. Honeslty, I'd love to make you laugh until you pee! So come, grab a cup of coffee (or vodka) and join in the conversation!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Princess and The Pea...Or Watermelon

I've been pretty candid in the past about my diva-esque bedtime rules. As a mama, sleep has an entirely different meaning to me than it did before having kids. It's the most coveted prize at the end of my days. Once you enter pregnancy, sleep (and food) becomes the only thing of which you think, focus, and search to find. You can't possibly understand until you are actually pregnant...can I get a collective nod from all the mamas out there...because I know you know what I'm talking about!

However, even though sleep is the desire of my heart, pregnancy and sleep don't always mix...kind of like parenting and partying. They just simply don't go together. Blame it on the blossoming body, the growing baby, or the "other issues" that accompany this "beautiful time"...but sleep isn't as simple and easy as it sounds. I've become super high maintenance and unreasonable and without hubby here to take the fall, I've had to endure alone.

My bedtime ritual is complex and exhausting at best. Per doctor's orders, I ingest one banana and 2 TUMS every night before bed in hopes of avoiding the cramping that takes over every night from the waist down. I didn't even know that the muscles in the feet could cramp, but they can and will, and they are most unforgiving! Even the under-worked muscles in my gluteus maximus cramp! I'm very certain I've never had cheeks quite so tight as when the cramp is in full force! However, with the ever-growing babe taking up all space (whether it was previously occupied by something or not), I suffer from some kind of reflux from the banana/TUMS/water bedtime snack causing me to now have to prop myself upright for half of the night in order to keep everything else down. So with 5-6 pillows propped around me, I attempt to drift into la-la land for some sweet relief.

Unfortunately, my unconscious self truly enjoys self-torture! I am prone to back-sleeping which is an unfortunate position to find oneself in the middle of the night without anyone to help roll me over! I am literally a beached whale at that point swaying back and forth hoping to gain enough momentum to roll myself off the bed. Sexy to watch, I'm sure!

And if all of that wasn't enough, pregnancy seems to make me...um...stinkier than normal. Babies give me gas! And not just quiet, girly toots (you know we all have them...just walk away and pretend it NEVER happened)...no, I'm full-on, able to challenge my boys, fumigating rooms, stinky! I have no idea what causes it...but at night it's in full force and I am stuck, literally, in the bed to suffer alone. Tormenting my hubby at this point in pregnancy is really the only joy in which I can revel. Misery loves company... the hubby should have to suffer through, too!

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