Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Sleeping Beauty

I am a fairly low maintenance gal when compared to some of the demanding divas in this world. I can patiently wait while we save money for our home improvements. Some of my shirts and jeans are ones that were worn in college. And my shoes mainly consist of fuzzy blue slippers, flip flops, and sneakers (well, there is that one pair of over-the-knee boots...but that's a different story).

However, when it comes to my personal sleepy time and the rules and regulations that coincide, I am slightly demanding and more than a little particular. I have lost way too many hours of sleep to uncomfortably-overdue-pregnant-body, sleepless newborns, and all-nighters with sick dudes to take the necessity for sleep lightly. It is a basic need to human survival, and I have learned that my body requires its undivided attention.

Have you ever seen "Dirty Dancing" when Johnny tells Baby "This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don't come into yours. You don't come into mine." OK that may not be the exact words but work with me. Instead of saying "dance", say "sleep". Do you get what I'm saying? I don't want anybody, ANYBODY, entering my sleep space. It is a sacred zone and not meant for visitors or intruders. I don't like to spoon, cuddle, canoodle, or whatever you want to call it. Sleep is for sleeping. I'm very specific about that...much to my hubby's chagrin.

No body parts or freezing cold appendages should cross the imaginary  (but still very real) line that exists down the middle of the bed once I have declared the commencement of sleepy-time. I do not appreciate anyone, either big or small, thinking that it's acceptable to lay their sweet (read heavy and hard to move), slumbering head upon my pillow. Sweet-nothings whispered into my ear are not required for me to drift into La-La Land. On the contrary, I prefer that no air be exhaled toward my designated sleep area at all. Stinky-breath is not conducive to a great night of sleep.

Also appreciated is the absence of air-floofing under the sheets and across the bed as you roll over or adjust your position. That cold rush of air agitates your sleeping mate's slumber by disturbing their optimal sleep-temperature. And if you have, heaven forbid, farted in my Black Friday sheets that stinky butt-air will smack your partner right in the face!

As you can plainly see, I have a couple stipulations when entering and trying to share my sleeping space. However, it is merely for the betterment of my family members and to spare them the negative results that occur when mommy receives either not enough or disturbed sleep. So my attention to detail is actually done to improve the general lifestyle of my spouse and offspring.


Shell said...

Too funny! I value my sleep so much. I get cranky if anyone interrupts it.

Heather said...

I was reading this and wondering if you were going to mention my pet peeve, "air-floofing". My usual laid back self might be known for giving a full out lecture on this if awakened in the middle of the night by a gush of cold air! ARGH.

Vic said...

hahaha.....this is so me....i have shirts from my cheerleading days that are getting holes but i love them and i hate when people bother my space...back up! ur tooo funny!

Splendiferous Girls said...

Love this post...alot of me in it..I stumbled upon your blog and glad I did..

Nichole said...

You have no idea how much I love this post!
I take my sleep very seriously too.
And that air-floofing? Drives me mad.

Mothers' Hideaway said...

OMG I'm the same way! I love my night time peace. I love my bed. I actually had a dream where I was so tired...I slept in my dream! Ahhhh. Oh and as you know, my clothes well....they're special.

Jessica said...

Reading this in a sleep deprived state since someone interfered with my space. Love your explanation, I may leave this up on my computer in hopes that someone will read it and take a hint :)

Johi said...

I have actually considered a masking tape line down the center of the bed.
As much as I love my hub- he snores LOUD and disturbs my sleep ALL THE FRIGGIN' TIME. I used to nudge him gently. Now I punch. What? I tell him to wear the nasal strips and if he choses not to...well, he is chosing his fate. *smiley face* I'm a peach.