Thursday, February 24, 2011

Can You Hear Me Now?

For just a moment, I am going to stand upon my dusty soap box and rant and rave like a disgruntled woman. I normally do my ranting in the comforts of my own head....where, I must say, I make some pretty compelling arguments for my case. Actually I do most of my confronting, arguing, and debating within the confines and safety of my own head where I successfully encompass the passion and charisma of some of the most famous literary protagonists. Have I ever mentioned that I took debate (and was pretty successful) in high school? I like to have my facts in place, evidence at hand to support my point, and a fistful of logic just in case.

With that said, I'm going to state my case....a word of caution, however, I don't take too kindly to being told that I am wrong or to the suggestion that it is indeed I who need be corrected.

I love my hubby dearly...wouldn't trade him in for a newer model anytime soon. However, it needs to be said...that he is spoiled...quite spoiled indeed. I take the blame. I wait on him (and my boys) hand and foot without thanks or recognition. And most of the time, it doesn't bother me at all....until it does, and then watch out! Because I- like many an elephant-never forget. Right, wrong, or indifferent I quietly make record of all wrong doing against me whether it's real or perceived. You are aware that perception is reality, right? So whether offense was intended or not, it is how it is perceived that matters.
When hubby has the misfortune to toot his own horn after helping with home or children, I tend to get a little hot and bothered. Hence, I start to fester, bubble and boil. I'm a stew-er if you must know. And all past offenses get thrown into that boiling pot. Why, pray tell, does hubby need recognition and congratulations after the smallest of household tasks? I haven't an answer for that mystical query. I could entertain and captivate you with a tabulation of transgressions that are presently festering, bubbling, and boiling in my cauldron, but I won't....I will merely state my position on his most recent affront.

When stranded in the hotel this past weekend during the blizzard, I allowed hubby to make fake-turkey (seriously, there is no way that package should have been labeled "turkey") sandwiches for our crew. Nothing was really said of it (it was cold meat sandwiches for heaven's sake!), until we returned home from our long, arduous weekend. All afternoon and evening no one had moved their perched hiennies from the position of holding down the couch to help me with anything. I brought all suitcases and gear in, put it away, sorted laundry so we could have clean underwear (which really I'm the only one who cares!), and started supper. I may or may not have been getting a little huffy and growled toward hubby about helping. When he had the audacity to whine and moan about how I didn't help while he "served" everyone sandwiches in the hotel! Is anybody else chuckling???? Because, seriously. Do we really want to start making lists of who does what around the house???? I don't think so...because we all know how that is going to go.

Would it really be worth my while to list each and every task I do all day? Wipe butt....check. Feed five kids breakfast (our neighbor comes to our house before and after school to ride the case you were wondering where my extra son came from)...check. Clean up breakfast mess...check. Make school lunch...check. Get 3 out the door to the bus...check. Empty dishwasher and reload...check. Change toddler's diaper...check. He pooped, change it again...check. Make bed...check. Wash 4yo's sheets and make bed with clean sheets...check.'s only about 7:45 am by this point...should I really continue, or all we all singing the same song by this point??!!

So if anyone out there can help me with this conundrum, please do. Why must hubby get a gold star and congratulatory announcement for his accomplished household task? Do their egos really need that much stroking (yes I'm talking about egos! Get your mind out of the gutter!!)? Or (tread softly, here) is it I who is being overly sensitive (or dramatic...the jury is still out on that one)? I haven't the answers for these worldly questions...but I'm tired of playing my violin, and my list of things to do is growing as we speak!


Patty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Patty said...

**Sorry...had to re-post, typo in my first comment.

Boy, can I relate! My husband farts and he thinks it's the London Symphony playing; he waits for applause.

I've found, at least with mine, that positive reinforcement is always necessary no matter what he does; cut the grass, fix house things. Like hey...dude, isn't this YOUR job?

When we were first married, we owned a gas station and he kept late hours. Dinner was always ready and waiting when he got in, even with a baby under my arm. Someone said to him, "you expect Patty to cook at 11 at night?"...his answer? "It's her job".

40 years later, I'm ready to quit.

How about we get into when THEY get sick? one gets a worse cold, flu, backache, ass-ache than they do but, we still function through similar illnesses, pregnancies, etc.

Yeah, I'll give any of them a gold star...just let them bend over first....

Unknown said...

Oh, men. After I had my second c-section and was recovering from MAJOR SURGERY, while breastfeeding the newborn and not sleeping, and preparing meals for the family.... blah blah blah.... my husband was heard telling every person who came to visit about how tired HE was. I seriously had to stop myself from physically injuring him.

Just leave your husband alone with the kids and all the dirty laundry and no prepared meals for a week. When you return he will be rubbing your feet and showering you in praises.

You're welcome!

Heather said...

My husband does not do this.
There is also a rule in the the house implemented by him that MOM should never carry anything heavier than her purse.

Your post made me hot. I have a lot to say about this and it is NOT that you need to change.
I will refrain as to not add fuel to your fire!

Teresa said...

Girl, I thought I was the only one going through this. I, too, am a "boil-er" and everything gets put in that boiling pan. When it starts to over flow, it ALL comes out. Yet DH is always there to say "oh you can't say I don't help because I do" Okay, he does help but he can only list at least 2 things the ENTIRE week that he does where as I, too, am still doing things ALL DAY LONG.
I will never understand the male species but yet again they may never come to understand us either.

Tales of a Hockey Wife said...

I did a post about this not too long ago about CHOREPLAY. I had told my husband I did 90% of the work around the house and he looked at me in disbelief..."90%???" he said to me...I told him he doesn't know 60% even exists!

There has been a load of clothes in the dryer (which has a window in it) and he could sit on the couch 15 feet from the dryer and never once think to open the dryer and fold the clothes. I blame myself, as I probably trained him to be ignorant of the things I do around the house, but my husband sometimes needs a little kick in the butt to get things done on his own!

Great post!

Anonymous said...

i love your blog so much.))*

Dionne said...

If my husbo did this, he would be in trouble, hahaha - but we don't have kidlets yet, but if we did, I doubt he would. He is actually probably going to be better with the kids than I am, hahaha. He's one of those rare breeds that goes gaga for kids (even though they belong to complete strangers). But can totally see how you would be frustrated about your husbo - but I am sure he makes up for it in other ways (wink, wink).

Donna said...

Ugh. Men. Seriously? Do they have ANY clue how ridiculous they are? You're not in the wrong here darlin, they're pitiful. Apparently all that heavy equipment between their legs takes SO much extra brain power to manipulate that there just isn't enough left over for common sense. If he wants gold stars, give 'em to him. Make a chart and put a list of EVERYTHING you do, and make HIM give you stars for the ones you accomplished, trust me, when he's done this for a few days, he won't be asking for kudos for making a freakin' sammich. Or you could always shoot him, I'd help you hide the body :)

Katie Hurley, LCSW said...

Haha! You always give me such a good laugh! I, too, make some great speeches in my head. Like award winning. Too bad it doesn't happen in real life! I can't complain too much bc my hubs is a good helper when he's around...but every once in a while it seems like he's trying to get fired from laundry duty. I refuse to fire him.

Liz said...

You know what I *almost* would get excited about? If he actually emptied the trash when it was overflowing or take the pile of clean clothes up the flight of stairs when he walks up it 100 times a day to head to his office.

Anonymous said...

*Nods head in knowing sympathy*

The lovely man I'm married to (and he is, really) wants a flourish from a marching band every time he washes the dishes, or takes a clean basket upstairs, or makes eggs for him and for Boy (and leaves me a scorched egg pan every time... irks the daylights out of me). He has to tell me what he did! I'm awesome! I did X and I want recognition!

Bleh. I hear ya, sister. I really do.