Friday, February 25, 2011

Sleep Like A Baby

Whoever coined that expression was an idiot. Have you ever tried to sleep with your precious slumbering child? Of course you have! We all love snuggling with our comatose offspring. They look so peaceful and sweet and lingering just above their dozing little heads is the most perfect shiny halo. At least in theory, that is, because they are only tranquil limp noodles until mommy climbs into the bed to catch some zzzz's for herself! In all reality, sleeping kids are wild, noisy, and somewhat dangerous! And sleep, for mommy anyway.....forget about it!

I have tried many a time to enjoy the presence of a sleeping itty bitty in my bed. But no matter how hard I try to bask in their dozing state, they never fail to pop my bubble of perceived stillness with a kick here, a wallop there, a smack in the kisser, or a pull of my hair....all while they are presumably asleep and peaceful. Not only is a child in one's bed dangerous to your health, they are noisy. I have discovered since becoming a mommy, every nighttime creek, wiggle, cough, sigh, sniffle, and wheeze echoes throughout our quiet home. My ears seem to have acquired super-human ability to hear all-things-child. It must be part of the mom-curse our own mothers placed upon us. I haven't slept soundly in over 12 years!

However, I seem to be a glutton for punishment. Every time daddy is gone, I invite my tiny terrorists into my bed to torture my sleep and disturb my slumber. I bring it on myself placing one or more in the bed and another on the floor. Silence sure is noisy when in the presence of my sleeping babes! Every movement is amplified, every sniffle or fart booms, and the battle against mommy's body is brutal....all....night....long. They all awake at the first hint of morning with renewed energy and spirit. While mommy is left in a sluggish, bruised state with a hint of cranky! Only, I fail to learn my lesson as I willingly invite those nighttime Nazis back into my sanctuary the next time daddy is gone. I am apparently intoxicated by the alluring facade a sleeping child creates. They exude peace, tranquility, and serenity....which is disarmed and transformed into the Tasmanian devil the moment mommy succumbs to the inebriating effects of somnolence!

Sleep, sweet sleep! You are but a fools folly!


Johi said...

lol! "My ears seem to have acquired super-human ability to hear all-things-child." - so true! I use a sound machine (and sometimes Tylenol PM) to help block out the noises that I don't need to hear.
I was just telling my husband last night how angelic our children were when they are sleeping. :)

Tales of a Hockey Wife said...

So true...My husband and I have a king sized bed, and when my three-year old sleeps between us, he has almost the whole bed,and we are both sleeping with half of our bodies off the bed!


Heather said...

That is so accurate.

Maybe you should write yourself a little letter to this affect and place it on your nightstand to read before you invited them back.



Katie said...

You are so cute! I have my little kitties and sometimes I just want my own space on the bed, haha. I can just imagine with the little terrorists. Hehe :) Sounds like your the best mom though!


Slidecutter said...

Love it! I remember the days too of hanging off the edge of the bed when one, or more, slept with us.
My very, very favorite story? Our oldest, 2 at the time, was sick. I ran out to the drugstore to get her meds leaving His Hineyness to watch her and they were both sitting in our bed when I left.

Came home to an agitated spouse who complained that somehow Jennifer got hold of a hat pin (no I didn't give it to her) and he dozed off, only to awake to painful "pinches" on his chest.

Served him right...he fell asleep, Jen sat on his chest and used him as a pin cushion.


Lala said...

Very very true!! LOL. My son slept with us from 5 months old to a year. Then we slowly, got him into his bed. When we visit family, go on vacation, he gets really sick, is afraid of the rain (like last night, which is a first) he sleeps with us again. And it takes another few days to sleep train him back to his bed. Sigh. I love my baby boy (who is 22 months old). But I love my sleep, when I'm allowed.

Btw, new follower

Tanya (a Taste of T) said...

:0 Oh goodness. I better sleep now while I have the chance

TexaGermaNadian said...

My mom used to say that I would just kick and kick. No wonder they stopped having me sleep in their bed after a while. I guess it is the same for everyone.
Thanks so much for linking up to the blog hop today, I am so glad you did. Hope you are finding some interesting new reads and hope you have a great weekend!

Heather said...

OMG! I could have written this!! My son is a husband though, from time to time sleeps on the couch because I apparently toss and turn....I can see this, I know I don't sleep soundly but I'm so used to it. Throw a child in between us and bam, kick in the boob or a slam down of his precious little head onto mine. Oh, I should link up the time I went running into his room after he was screaming bloody murder and he almost gave me a skull fracture from forgetting that the door post was right there. I was bleeding everywhere.

Kids are dangerous in the middle of the night!

I'm following from the Storytellers blog hop. I'd love for you to follow back! :)

Heather From and Mommy Only Has Two Hands! and Lynhea Designs

Teresa said...

If I could write this well, I would because I do this as well except mine is just one and is 4. I may have to link this to my blog as it is SOOOOO SOOOOO true!

-Mallori said...

This is so true! I think they probably coined the term because babies seem to sleep so peacefully when they are sleeping alone...during the day...while everyone is watching.

I know I sleep crazy!

Have a great weekend, thanks for sharing!
I came from TexaGermaNadian's blog hop :)

Michelle said...

This is so true! Thanks for posting. It was cute! Hoppin' over from the storyteller blog.

Ashley said...

haha so true! I hope you are having a great weekend!

Beckysworld said...

Don't forget the use of your own head as their pillow or resting place for feet. Never fails I let my son in my bed and I end up with a foot on my head. Why oh why?

Branson @ Reflection of Something said...

Lol too funny, and so true! :)

Jill said...

Tiny terrorists! Ha ha! We call our son a terrorist too.

I totally relate. I love the idea of my son sleeping with us but it's NEVER comfortable.

Heather M said...

OOOOOOOH how true! I love when he is in bed with us, but I hate the punch in the face and the kick in the boob or rib!!! You are sooooo funny!!! I love reading your posts!!!! I hope you had a great weekend!

Branson @ Reflection of Something said...

This post was featured as one of The Best of The Best this week!