Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Everything That Can......Will

Chaotic. Frustrating. Overwhelming. In a nutshell, those words could be used to describe my experiences from the last week and a half. When daddy is gone everything seems to go wrong. It plagues me, really. Bad luck seems to lurk around every corner and in everything I touch. I fear I've passed that curse on to my children.

My family seems to thrive on bucking the currant. We are drawn to a path-less-traveled and always manage to stir up trouble. I yern for a boring day...one that leaves me searching for excitement and longing for adventure. But alas, chaos and confusion seem to follow us where ever we go and in everything we do. And in some of those moments, I confess my "whoa is me" moan was kicking and screaming and stuck on repeat.

This past week has been full of moments that threatened to break this woman struggling to muscle it all on her own. Many have offered help...friends, family, even mere acquaintances...but the recieving and accepting the help is my downfall. I am bound by "not just strong...Army strong"...even if I am not the soldier serving. It was the oath I took the moment I said "I do". It is a challenge I continually face.

I very much felt down and out this past week....a victim, of sorts. A victim to circumstances that lie outside my control. Regrettably, I chase that "control" as a puppy chases his tail. Control is a fleating facade...but I am comfortable when I falsley believe I have attained it. It's a security blanket, if you will...one that is continually being yanked away from me. But demand its presence in my life...I will. In turn, when it is unattainable those overwhelming feelings and frustrations surmount.

My vehicle decided to die in my driveway and resisted all attempts at a jump-start. My wrestler forgot his wrestling shoes and head gear in his classroom...and we didn't realize it until 14 hours before his match. My alarm failed to wake me the morning of the state tournament, and I barely got my son to his match to prevent a forfeit. I worked with the tournament staff to bring my computer and web cam to skype the championship match for my hubby...only to have it quit working 15 minutes prior to my son walking out onto the mat. And most of those events reduced me to tears...which truly only frustrates me more.

It was in those moments that blessings seemed to pour over me. A friend helped me get the van to a mechanic....where it was thankfully only needing a new battery. The father of another wrestler drove to the school and had a janitor help him find my son's gear which he then drove back to my house. My parents, who were visiting from out of town, were able to get the other 3 boys ready while I drove like a crazy lady across town to deliver my wrestler to his warm-up mat. I arrived with the rest of the family in tow to cry as they played the national anthem as my son stood on his mat with his hand on his heart. And I watched my 7 year old son, determined and strong, go undefeated in the tournament.

So...for every "wrong" there was a "right"...for every "down" there was an "up"...for every "trouble" there was an "answer". And those are the moments I need to remember and be thankful for. Maybe we actually do have a smidge of good luck afterall!

Entry fees for family to attend state wrestling tournament................$120
State tournament apparrel and memorabilia...............$80
Food and snacks to entertain kids so mommy can watch brother wrestle...........$34
Watching my son become a state champion...............PRICELESS


Slidecutter said...

I've been kinda holding my breath and wondering how things were going for you, guess I should have sent an extra prayer in your direction instead.

Honestly Crystal, if anyone can handle chaos, you can; don't sell yourself short. Believe me, I have those moments where I grab a bigger hat when the poop starts raining down on my head; I fully understand all you went through.

Hugs and Congrats to your son! Tell him I'm bloggy-friend proud of him!

Special Hugs for you!


Crystal said...

A HUGE congratulations to your son!! How proud are you?? I think of you often and hope you are making it. If only strength was tangible!!
Needless, I will send some your way =)


Johi said...

Yay to your son! awesome-sauce!
It is these kind of weeks that one hopes we can look back on and laugh about later (a lot later, after we have been drinking).

Amy said...

Another good thing about the car? It broke down in your driveway, not in the middle of the highway with all the kids inside! Congrats to your son and big hugs to you! Thank you so much for the sacrifice, not just your husband is making, but the sacrifice your family is making.

Heather said...

State Champion? AWESOME!!
YOur are right. That is worth it. (I have a had time watching my son wrestle. So heart breaking at times.

Bethany said...

Congrats to your son! That is an incredible feat. I am so glad you are able to find encouragement this week.

Heather M said...

WHOA!!! what a week! but sounds like you got through it like a champ!!! your one tuff momma fro sure!!! Yay for State champion sooo awesome!!

Diana @Hormonal Imbalances said...

Congrats to your state champion! I'm so sorry about Skype, it's been messed up on our end lately too. It does get better. ((hugs))

Ms. Blasé said...

What's the perfect way to end an incomprehensibly chaotic week? Have a state champion wrestler come to your the house!


Shell said...

Congrats to your son!

Sorry about your rough week!

I'm Jennifer. said...

So glad everything worked out in the end and how AWESOME that your son won! Amazing achievement! You must be bursting with pride. Hope more happy days are in store for you.

Boobies said...

Sending you my extra strength to get through the tough times. I know you'll want to slap me--but I swear it makes a better person when it's all said and done.

YAYYYY for your son! That's awesome..it's moments like that you feel most fulfilled!

Ashley said...

Aww this made me a bit teary! I'm so happy for your son and that you guys can have some awesome moments during this tough time. You are doing such a great job on your own and I love how after it all you can find the positive. It's SO hard to do in the moment. You are one tough cookie.

Liz said...

Super congratulations to the state champ!

And you are so right - with every bad there is a good. Although sometimes it takes time to see the good.

The Blue Zoo said...

Wow! That is just awesome that he's a champ!!

Ive had days like that. Its enough to give you instant gray hair.