Chaotic. Frustrating. Overwhelming. In a nutshell, those words could be used to describe my experiences from the last week and a half. When daddy is gone everything seems to go wrong. It plagues me, really. Bad luck seems to lurk around every corner and in everything I touch. I fear I've passed that curse on to my children.
My family seems to thrive on bucking the currant. We are drawn to a path-less-traveled and always manage to stir up trouble. I yern for a boring day...one that leaves me searching for excitement and longing for adventure. But alas, chaos and confusion seem to follow us where ever we go and in everything we do. And in some of those moments, I confess my "whoa is me" moan was kicking and screaming and stuck on repeat.
This past week has been full of moments that threatened to break this woman struggling to muscle it all on her own. Many have offered help...friends, family, even mere acquaintances...but the recieving and accepting the help is my downfall. I am bound by "not just strong...Army strong"...even if I am not the soldier serving. It was the oath I took the moment I said "I do". It is a challenge I continually face.
I very much felt down and out this past week....a victim, of sorts. A victim to circumstances that lie outside my control. Regrettably, I chase that "control" as a puppy chases his tail. Control is a fleating facade...but I am comfortable when I falsley believe I have attained it. It's a security blanket, if you will...one that is continually being yanked away from me. But demand its presence in my life...I will. In turn, when it is unattainable those overwhelming feelings and frustrations surmount.
My vehicle decided to die in my driveway and resisted all attempts at a jump-start. My wrestler forgot his wrestling shoes and head gear in his classroom...and we didn't realize it until 14 hours before his match. My alarm failed to wake me the morning of the state tournament, and I barely got my son to his match to prevent a forfeit. I worked with the tournament staff to bring my computer and web cam to skype the championship match for my hubby...only to have it quit working 15 minutes prior to my son walking out onto the mat. And most of those events reduced me to tears...which truly only frustrates me more.
It was in those moments that blessings seemed to pour over me. A friend helped me get the van to a mechanic....where it was thankfully only needing a new battery. The father of another wrestler drove to the school and had a janitor help him find my son's gear which he then drove back to my house. My parents, who were visiting from out of town, were able to get the other 3 boys ready while I drove like a crazy lady across town to deliver my wrestler to his warm-up mat. I arrived with the rest of the family in tow to cry as they played the national anthem as my son stood on his mat with his hand on his heart. And I watched my 7 year old son, determined and strong, go undefeated in the tournament.
So...for every "wrong" there was a "right"...for every "down" there was an "up"...for every "trouble" there was an "answer". And those are the moments I need to remember and be thankful for. Maybe we actually do have a smidge of good luck afterall!
Entry fees for family to attend state wrestling tournament................$120
State tournament apparrel and memorabilia...............$80
Food and snacks to entertain kids so mommy can watch brother wrestle...........$34
Watching my son become a state champion...............PRICELESS