Thursday, December 23, 2010

Gettin' My Sexy On

A couple weeks ago hubby brought home a germ...a germ of all germs. Somehow in the 48 hours that it dwelled in my loving hubby, it mutated and became drug-resistant, and then took up residence...in me! For two weeks now I have been a super un-sexy, phlegm producing, Vick's smelling, loogie coughing-up wife. And I've contemplated throwing an all-out adult tantrum! Nothing seems to provide any relief. NyQuil, Robitussin, and Sudafed have failed in the battle against the mucus monster that I have become. Rudolph's services won't be needed to find my home...my bright red shining nose can light the way all by itself. And if Santa can't possibly see my shiny, blown-too-many-times nose, then he will surely be able to smell the Mentholatum that has become my signature scent from miles and miles away.

Every night I throw back a shot of NyQuil and toast the hopes of a good night of sleep. Then slather -from head to toe- my body with Vick's. If some is good, then A LOT has got to be better, right? With Breathe-right strip in place and steamer blasting, I suck on my Hall's cough drop while propped up with pillows optimistically hoping it will deter my cough and gain a few precious hours of sleep. I'm sure my hubby is struggling to resist the sexiness of his wife!

But every night the same result...coughing and gagging on mucous and phlegm that refuses to loosen or vacate the premises. Hubby, convinced he is married to a Phlegm producing monster, has invested time, energy, and money into supplying our ever-growing-array-of-medicines in our medicine cabinet in hopes to cure t"he crud" that has overtaken his wife. He lovingly rubs my back as I gag and cough and sniff and snort and asks if there is anything he can do to help (secretly he knows that no "boom-boom" will happen while the mucous maintains-nor would he want to)!

I've become my own pharmacist mixing different concoctions and drinks hoping something-anything- will cut through the phlegm. Water, honey, lemon, tea...I've become a human experiment. And nothing has given positive results for any length of time. So I sit here hoping that I can wake up in 2 days to a Christmas miracle...able to get through presents without gagging, coughing, blowing my nose, or choking down another clump of phlegm.

Merry Christmas to all...and to all a good (not coughing, choking, moaning, gagging) night!

6 comments:

Teresa said...

Ha thanks for the laugh because I too am going through EXACTLY what you are going through and I too am hoping it is gone on Christmas morning. Get to feeling better.

Alida said...

Hope you get well soon! I had to laugh at the title of your post cuz we have a friend who frequently posts that as his Facebook status.

I found you on the blog hop and am a new follower:-)
Alida from Blackpurl's Knitpickings

Poekitten said...

Thanks for visiting my blog! I hope you feel better soon:)

Myrtle said...

I can relate. I have been sick this week and I am feeling better. It is all because of some really spicy food. Trust me tat will clear your air ways. You can try wasabi, chile etc... Don't forget the ginger for the stomach pains you might induce! Hope you feel better before Christmas!

torijean said...

i felt oh so nasty this morning....wishing you well and happiness this holiday! merry christmas to you all! as always you always put a smile on my face:)

C.Mom said...

Hope you feel better soon! Maybe in all of your concoction mixing you will come up with a perfect remedy that you can patent :)
hugs!