Monday, December 6, 2010

It's A Bird. It's A Plan. No! It's Super-mom!

I've realized that there is no more use in trying to hide my secret identity anymore. The commoners with whom I dwell will surely be getting suspicious. After all, I seem to have eyes in the back of my head, I complete the work of 3 men, and I still look amazing when the hubby comes home at night. Therefore, I've come to the conclusion that I need to break out my super-hero costume complete with cape and mask for all to see. I am going to shout it to the world..."My name is Mom....and I have super powers." My super-powers are becoming quite obvious, however, and it's only a matter of time before I am discovered.

The evidence speaks for itself. I am the only person in a house of 6 that can see the invisible laundry baskets that reside in almost every room of our house. Therefore, I am the sole individual who is successful in getting my dirty clothes into their designated receptors. Not only that, the piles of clean clothes, also invisible, are only detectable via my super-mom vision which inhibits my family's ability to put them away on their own. It's an astounding discovery really...what other super powers do I have, you might ask? I also possess super-human strength. Not only can I lug the 2 year old on one hip while the 4 year old is latched to my free hand, I can simultaneously wrestling with bags and bags of groceries overflowing with my family's rations...not an egg to be broken, a slice of bread to be squished or a child dropped! I can also complete a day's work of cleaning, cooking, changing and wiping butts, laundry, playing with the kids, assisting with after-school homework, and taxi-ing to and from events all with a smile on my face and a tune in my heart.

With each addition to my brood, I have noticed my "mom senses" have gotten more and more heightened. I can smell "foul play" (aka-poopy) from 50 yards, and a child in need of a bath can be detected before they enter the front door. My ears are constantly on alert for tears, whines, and bickering. And who knew the sounds of sleeping children could be so loud. I haven't slept soundly for years detecting every sigh, sniffle, sneeze and snort that my tiny terrors make at night.

Becoming a mom has created in me the ability to go days and days without sleep, proper meals, or showers. The other sex couldn't possibly endure such torture....that level of commitment and strength is bestowed upon us as we claim the title of "mom". And once a mom has been submerged into a sea of little boys, her super-powers grow exponentially! The atrocities that occur in the bathroom, alone, are enough to make a grown man cry for his mommy...or wife. But super-mom comes to the rescue...restores order...replaces toilet paper...returns toilet seats to their designated positions...and ends the reign of the toothpaste-sludge monster lurking in the sink.

Even though these feats seem quite honorable on their own...super-mom accomplishes them all without detection...making her truly amazing! No one is the wiser. And no one questions how the clean clothes are always in their drawers, why the bathroom smells better, or to where the dust-bunnies have escaped.

All in a days work for a....super-mom!

3 comments:

Boobies said...

A-FREAKIN-MEN!!!!!!

Kerry McCullough said...

So true! Moms really are superheroes. And I'm not gonna lie, I'm even a little nervous to let my husband "babysit"- nobody can do things right like we can ;)

Mommy NaniBooboo said...

We have a problem with invisible laundry baskets over here, too!
PS- Please post pic of you in your cape... thank you.