Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Demented Humor

It seems that I have quite a demented humor. Let me preface this explanation by saying I love my family dearly; my kids are delicious treats and my hubby is the cherry on top! With that said, I apparently take joy in their demise! Trips, crashes, bonks, blunders...all end in giggles from mama. But nothing seems to bring me more pleasure than the calamities that have assailed my hubby. I'm sick. I know. But if my family had a video camera running 24/7, I would be the winner on America's Funniest Videos!

When baby #4 was born, my husband was in the throws of volleyball season-all consuming, time-taker-upper, volleyball season. Hence, newborn-dom was ventured into and conquered solo. After getting home very late from a weekend away coaching volleyball, my husband offered to change new baby boy while I "rested" (seriously, 5 minutes, that's all I get!!) If you've ever breastfed a baby then you have been privy to the mustard seed explosion poos. (hee hee hee- I can't stand the suspense! This story is killing me!!) My dear, loving hubby gently placed sweet baby #4 on the bed in front of him and had all needed supplies ready for his disposal. He's not a rookie- this is #4, remember. Loving daddy opens cute little diaper to discover that his beloved son has filled it with incomprehensible amounts of mustard yellow poo. How can something so gross come out of something so cute? With game face on, daddy proceeds to complete his daddy assignment while mommy enjoys her rejuvenating 5 minute break (5 minutes might be pushing it). However, baby.......wasn't done! To daddy's horror, and mommy's delight, sweet babe projectile poos....all over daddy! Redemption!!! I burst into uncontrollable, jiggling everywhere (I just had a baby- don't judge!), tears running down my face laughter....pure enjoyment! Sweet justice! It went everywhere, top to bottom on mortified daddy who left that cute little assaulting bootie as it was to go take a shower. So mommy took over diapering, clothing and cradling the apple of my eye. I will take that over a chincey 5 minute break everyday.

But my desire to see my hubby suffer doesn't end there. You see, coaching takes up a lot ( I mean a lot) of my husband's time, and sometimes when he is absent I start to become resentful....or vengeful...po-tay-toe, po-tah-toe. Well, my hubby is a marathon runner and is a freak about his running shoes. He had just purchased a new pair- for a hefty price tag, I might add, and they were still a novelty. I was on the swing watching the boys play- mad at hubby, can't remember why- as he strolled out to win back his favor. I wanted nothing to do with his attempts and was ignoring him quite successfully. That is until he stepped into a hot steamy fresh pile of dog poo.....big-dog poo! To my delight, hubby squished stinky gross poo all over his new shoes. Again, uncontrollable snickering and guffaws enraptured me and echoed through our back yard making evident my obvious enjoyment toward my hubby's misfortune! Oh yes, there is a God, and He is on my side!


Unknown said...

haha, poop stories are the best! i love how babies seem to be attracted to the daddies when they have their explosions. it must be one of the few, well-deserved perks we get as mommies :)

Blogs said...

bahaahhahaha....ewwwwww....that is so freaking gross! i ate poooooo! stinky shit! isn't it oh so funny how we are pissed at them and don't even remember why! bahhhhh! the joys of marriage!:) ur too funny! teeeeee heeeeee

Danielle @ We Have It All said...

Hahahaha I love that!! They soooo deserve it, I very seldom get much free time. Why is it such a chore to give us some free time?

Anyway, thanks for visiting my other blog tonight (Life In Him) & following my networked blog too! I appreciate it :) I just "liked" you on facebook.

Unknown said...

Hilarious. Careful though, karma has a way of catching up!

I was telling a the story of the man with the golden arm, and she stopped me because she was getting scared. Literally as soon as I stopped, the neighbor knocked on the door and a lost her freaking mind. Screamed at the top of her lungs for 30 seconds solid and burst into tears. I'm trying to comfort her while giggling madly. Later, she decides she wants me to finish the story, but only if she's on my lap. So I finish the story, and grab her at the end as required....and she wets her pants.

Karma. :)