I have always likened myself to "the girl next door", the "best friend", the Meg Ryan character in a movie...hardly romantic and far from the sex vixen likes of Angelina Jolie or Samantha on Sex and the City. The trials and tribulations of puberty didn't leave me with a new found sexual prowess or confidence as I had hoped. Instead I was left with a boyish figure, far from well-endowed, and devoid of femme fatale capabilities. Wasn't that supposed to be the reward for suffering through puberty and the woes of high school? On the contrary, I was still a nerd; albeit an athletic nerd, but still a nerd, and one that was a far cry from the sexy librarian or the naughty school girl fantasy.
Is it something only the lucky are born with, luck of the draw, a case of good genes? If it isn't something you're born with than it must be an attribute that can be acquired, learned, or discovered. But I am still at a loss as to how I go about getting in touch with my inner Jessica Rabbit. I've never known how to use my feminine wiles to my advantage...and without looking like a complete buffoon while attempting that feat. And you can forget about my ability to be a dominatrix behind closed doors.
At times, I feel bad that my hubby didn't get the golden ticket when he married me. No mystery or oozing seduction...no charm that ensnares my lover in the bondage of ecstasy and irresistible desire...no hypnotic beauty and sexual allure. Nope. I've tried...and fallen down the stairs half (ok- barely) dressed in Pretty Woman boots; I've gotten the costumes but was barely able to get into character without my insecurities reducing me to a giggling pubescent teenager, and I've considered buying the Flirty girl dance videos complete with stripper pole and lap-dance routines. But my inner prude is holding me back, and I would probably get hurt on the pole.
How do I grab my inner Cleopatra and seduce hubby in every sense of the word? I let my guard down one time for a quickie in the laundry room...only to scar my then 10 year old who came seeking us out to see what we were doing. With four kids, spur of the moment rendezvous, take-me-now passion, and care-free middle of the day romps are few and far between and closer to impossible than I would like. By the time the "to-do" list has been tackled and kids are in bed...both of us are exhausted. Quickies aren't fun and exciting when they are the norm. And most nights sleep beckons my name with more allure than the arms of my lover!
How can I get my groove back when I never really had one to begin with? I don't think I ever possessed unbridled female sexuality. Is there a femme fatale hiding dormant just waiting to be discovered and released? That is yet to be discovered, and until I can find my Sirens mentality, I will continue to fall exhausted into bed with guilt that I am not fulfilling my marital vows. The balance of super-mom and sex kitten is a tough one to conquer. But hubby deserves a little bow chicka wow wow every now and then. So today I am desperately seeking my Aphrodite alter-ego! I need to embrace my Delilah-esque, seductive enchantress, and surprise hubby with my lascivious fires of love......only in a smaller-heeled sexy boot!