Monday, January 31, 2011

Service Engine Soon.....Revisited

After a busy weekend of juggling a wrestling tournament and a swim meet for my two oldest boys, I find myself a little behind in my "mama-chores". I also have a girly doctor appointment which is stealing from my time this morning. Hence, I am finding myself a little crunched and in need of a little help. I am re-posting an earlier post that I really liked (I think I'm so clever sometimes...my hubby makes fun of me!) I hope you enjoy the read....I'm off to shower and primp before my OB/GYN checks out my nether regions!!

Service Engine Soon

I've been married for almost 11 years (some days it feels like it's been A LOT longer than that but that is clearly another topic for another day) during which I've delivered 4 beautiful, healthy, BIG baby boys (my smallest was 8 pounds). I've also become much more of a "girly-girl" than I was when I met my hubby at 19 (wow that was a long time ago). I was pretty simple- didn't use a lot of makeup, didn't color my hair, had no money so clothing was more of a necessity than a luxury- low maintenance, if you will. However, I've come into my own regarding the unique requirements of the female species. Basically, I've become more high maintenance. My hubby says I've gotten better with age.....kind of like a fine wine (I'm taking that as a compliment- what it really means is I wasn't as attractive when we met as he finds me now- or so that's how I am interpreting it). I am going to chalk it up to the simpler days in life.....when I didn't NEED to do as much to be cute (those were the days).

Now I look in the mirror and scare myself. I certainly hope my children aren't scared by the Crypt Keeper serving them breakfast! My hubby says I'm beautiful, but we all know he would like sex tonight (and future nights) so telling me that I'm getting scarier with age doesn't bode well for him. I am, regrettably, at that age where preventative and corrective maintenance and necessary repairs are no longer a suggestion acquired from a magazine article later to be disregarded. Quite the contrary, they are now necessary improvements essential to prevent hubby from trading me in for a younger model.

With that said, there is significant expense that accompanies this so-called required maintenance. I am currently suffering from the "Too many unexpected expenses prevent mommy from visiting optional (read-necessary) hair appointment" syndrome. In short, I have very visible roots. My hubby referred to me last night as a "half-n-half". You see, I am a blonde by nature, but somewhere in 30+ years....that changed. Now I must pay incredible amounts to restore my once youthful natural color. To my chagrin, I have also noticed my less-than-vibrant skin tone. Makeup isn't an option, it's a necessity. Freckles, sun spots, wrinkles and the like that comes with "aging" have all left their mark. Some say it's the sign of wisdom; I say it's the sign that I need to invest in some serious anti-aging arsenal and make an appointment with a local Botox professional asap!

Requirements of clothing have gotten more difficult and demanding now that I have had kiddos. Bras that define, lift and accentuate are a must- and they come with a hefty price. Apparel needs to fit and flatter the right curves in the right way, and all of a sudden, I am faced with the issue of "age appropriateness". Slimmers, shapers, smoothers....the likes of which I'd rather still be unaware.

As we travel downward, I would like to mention that I am completely NOT against the restoration and "plumpification" of my once perky, but now unresponsive, breasts. They now lack the ability to "stand at attention", if you will. I think breastfeeding should come with a warning label: "Constant and continual use will lead to shrinking, sagging, and possible deformation". We should have to sign a release before proceeding.

Stretch marks and skin that has lost its ability to "bounce back". Spider veins. Disappearing butt. Achy swollen feet. All lead me to believe that my trade-in value is decreasing by the moment. I am convinced that I am in need of my 100,000 mile overhaul. My "service engine soon" light demands attention!

So I ask , fellow woman, do we run from this challenge? Do we hide in the shadows? Or do we turn and face it head on? I choose to "fight the good fight" and employ any and all means possible to defend against the wrath of age. Salon visits I shall attend; creams I shall apply; peels I shall suffer through; going under the knife- the money I should only hope to find.  I am prepared for this battle. And if I can't beat and overcome the maladies of age,  then I will mask it every step of the way.

8 comments:

Big Fat Gini said...

Here, here!

It's actually funny how similar we are. I've been married for 11 years and hubby and I met when I was 19 (he was 25). Then, there's the whole four kids thing. My biggest was 9lbs 7oz, smallest 6lbs (the twins were 6lbs 10oz and 6lbs 9oz so I figure fourteen pounds of baby basically wins)...

And now that you know way more about me than you ever wanted to...good luck today!

Johi said...

I hope you enjoyed your visit to the "crotch doctor". For me, any time away is relaxing. It is so sad.

Johi said...

Oh, and I am just giving in and aging like a nice smelly cheese....

Shell said...

Oh, I'm cracking up about the release before breastfeeding!

The Hockey Wife said...

Came over from a nice comment you left on my blog. I love your post, as I am just at the age where I am beginning to see the need for some routine maintenance. I plan to age gracefully...with as much help as I can get!

Thank you for the comment, I will be back to read some more!

Cheers

Katie said...

This post was perfect, it made me smile & giggle too if I'm being honest haha :) You're so down to earth and I really like that about you! Theres always those pros and cons about getting dolled up/hair done/makeup etc vs being natural. I say whatever helps to make us look at ourselves, smile and feel GOOD is what matters. So if doing our makeup getting our hair done, having a facial (which I love all the above).. then we do it! Because we deserve it :)

xoxo
Katie

Christy said...

I have been trying to stay "natural" but as the number of gray hairs keep increasing, I am reconsidering my position on hair coloring. Dh says he wants to see me go gray. Hmmm...we shall see if he really means that. My b**bs have definitely served their primary purpose well with five babies. I am, however, not willing to go under the knife. Dh can just deal with that one.

Erin said...

Ohh the Happy Pappy smear is always my favorite time of year! haha

And all that money spent on various uplifting garments....SO worth it!